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I don’t need your milkshake to lose my milkshake.
Could Facebook be worse? I highly doubt it. I loathe it’s existence but I can’t tear myself away from it. It’s like the annoying kid in the neighbourhood who everyone puts up with because they have a pool. (I kind of hate you but I may need to waste some time.)
But I’ve noticed a new, disturbing trend on my newsfeed lately. And I’d like to preface this by saying, I think any healthy choice anyone makes is a great one, even if it personally fills with me rage. But day after day my newsfeed is chock full of people pushing their diet plan - specifically diet milkshakes. It’s gotten to the point where I’m almost relieved to see a post about someones baby (Whose baby rolled over today? I GOTTA KNOW!)
I think the only reason this bothers me is A) I don’t particularly believe in any diet plan, pill, supplement, etc. I’m currently trying the hip, new fad of eating healthy and exercising. I know, I know, it’s a little controversial but it gets results. and B) As a fat woman, I get a lot of unsolicited diet advice. (Wait, apples are good for you? YOU JUST CHANGED MY LIFE)
Most people have good intentions, I know they’re not trying to be mean but I just find it really rude, and a bit hilarious. I mean, would you go up to a pregnant woman and say “Didn’t you know abortions were legal here?”. No, you wouldn’t. (If you would, please contact me immediately so I can start following you around and observing your life choices for my own amusement.) My point is - mind your business. Unless you’re a personal friend and are concerned to the point of intervention, I don’t really need your expert opinion on which Weight Watchers plan would work for me.
And another thing, I’m a little sick of people assuming that fat people are stupid. Do you think that fat people don’t know anything that isn’t printed on the side of a Pringles can? (Wait, there’s a war going on? Why didn’t Cap’n Crunch tell me??) I’ve always known what I need to do to lose weight, but they kept putting out new flavours of Doritos and I didn’t want to be out of the loop.
The most offensive assumption involved in this, is that you’re basically saying that fat people are so unhappy they’re just waiting for that girl from their Grade 11 history class to tell them about energy bars and release them from Fat Prison. I’m not trying to lose weight because I hate my body or I hate myself. If you read this blog more than once, my self love is probably pretty evident. They way teen girls feel about Twilight and Justin Beiber, that’s how I feel about myself. I would wait outside of a hotel for 8 hours at the mere chance that I might meet myself and maybe get a fist bump. I would love myself if I was fat, skinny, whatever. I’d love myself if my body was just a torso being pulled around in a wagon. That’s because my self confidence goes deeper than my physical appearance. Society has told me my whole life that my body is disgusting so I’ve never relied on it to give me self worth.
Losing weight is like any addiction or any big life change. People aren’t going to do it until they are ready to do it, and nothing you say will matter if they’re not ready. You have to want to do it, you have to have a motivation - for me, I could feel myself getting more unhealthy each day and I decided I didn’t want to die before Game of Thrones was over. If I go to Heaven without having seen Geoffrey die, is it still technically Heaven?
Basically, I’m just saying - give us fatties a break. We appreciate your concern and need your support, but if I don’t ask for your advice, don’t give it to me. All you’ll accomplish is me having to go home and eat in rage to try and quiet the voices that tell me to bludgeon you with my shoe. Besides, most people don’t realize that despite all the struggles and downfalls of being fat, there’s also benefits. And I’ll end todays entry with my personal top 5…
5. You always get shotgun. (Nobody wants to spend the next 30 minutes with your thigh violently pushing against them.)
4. Nobody asks you to do shit! (Noone ever asks me to help them move. I can’t lift a couch and my witty comments don’t make it any easier for you to lift it by yourself)
3. Every chair I sit in is a comfortable chair.
2. No one wants you to do mundane physical activities with them. (People don’t like to go hiking with someone who would probably eat them at the most minor pitfall. “But we’ve only been lost for 20 minut-aaaaaah!!!…”)
1. I don’t get hit on in bars. Now when I was single, this did use to bother me quite a bit. Once I realized how much most girls hate it, and how weirdly aggressive some men can be - I saw that I was better off. Not only do I not have to be dance-raped when I’m just trying to groove it up, I also have free time to get dangerously intoxicated! And it’s not so bad, I mean if you’re a fat girl and are really set on hooking up at a bar, just wear a low cut top and linger around the doorway after last call.
