That Funny Fat Bitch

lactoria: pagan-posts: wasabikun: bellasparse: My body is...

Mon, 08 Apr 2013 16:06:45 -0400

pagan-posts:

wasabikun:

bellasparse:

My body is not shameful

Just because you’re uncomfortable doesn’t mean you have to make me feel bad that I’m not

I normally wouldn’t reblog real boobs, but this is a good message.

Love this and will always reblog

A man bares his chest and it’s totally ok, sexy or not. A woman bares hers and SHAME ON YOU YOU ATTENTION SEEKING SLUT.

UM6QXJ4UPCD8

Wed, 02 May 2012 12:08:41 -0400

UM6QXJ4UPCD8

I don't need your milkshake to lose my milkshake.

Wed, 02 May 2012 09:09:45 -0400

Could Facebook be worse? I highly doubt it. I loathe it’s existence but I can’t tear myself away from it. It’s like the annoying kid in the neighbourhood who everyone puts up with because they have a pool. (I kind of hate you but I may need to waste some time.)

But I’ve noticed a new, disturbing trend on my newsfeed lately. And I’d like to preface this by saying, I think any healthy choice anyone makes is a great one, even if it personally fills with me rage. But day after day my newsfeed is chock full of people pushing their diet plan - specifically diet milkshakes. It’s gotten to the point where I’m almost relieved to see a post about someones baby (Whose baby rolled over today? I GOTTA KNOW!)

I think the only reason this bothers me is A) I don’t particularly believe in any diet plan, pill, supplement, etc. I’m currently trying the hip, new fad of eating healthy and exercising. I know, I know, it’s a little controversial but it gets results. and B) As a fat woman, I get a lot of unsolicited diet advice. (Wait, apples are good for you? YOU JUST CHANGED MY LIFE)

Most people have good intentions, I know they’re not trying to be mean but I just find it really rude, and a bit hilarious. I mean, would you go up to a pregnant woman and say “Didn’t you know abortions were legal here?”. No, you wouldn’t. (If you would, please contact me immediately so I can start following you around and observing your life choices for my own amusement.) My point is - mind your business. Unless you’re a personal friend and are concerned to the point of intervention, I don’t really need your expert opinion on which Weight Watchers plan would work for me.

And another thing, I’m a little sick of people assuming that fat people are stupid. Do you think that fat people don’t know anything that isn’t printed on the side of a Pringles can? (Wait, there’s a war going on? Why didn’t Cap’n Crunch tell me??) I’ve always known what I need to do to lose weight, but they kept putting out new flavours of Doritos and I didn’t want to be out of the loop.

The most offensive assumption involved in this, is that you’re basically saying that fat people are so unhappy they’re just waiting for that girl from their Grade 11 history class to tell them about energy bars and release them from Fat Prison. I’m not trying to lose weight because I hate my body or I hate myself. If you read this blog more than once, my self love is probably pretty evident. They way teen girls feel about Twilight and Justin Beiber, that’s how I feel about myself. I would wait outside of a hotel for 8 hours at the mere chance that I might meet myself and maybe get a fist bump. I would love myself if I was fat, skinny, whatever. I’d love myself if my body was just a torso being pulled around in a wagon. That’s because my self confidence goes deeper than my physical appearance. Society has told me my whole life that my body is disgusting so I’ve never relied on it to give me self worth.

Losing weight is like any addiction or any big life change. People aren’t going to do it until they are ready to do it, and nothing you say will matter if they’re not ready. You have to want to do it, you have to have a motivation - for me, I could feel myself getting more unhealthy each day and I decided I didn’t want to die before Game of Thrones was over. If I go to Heaven without having seen Geoffrey die, is it still technically Heaven?

Basically, I’m just saying - give us fatties a break. We appreciate your concern and need your support, but if I don’t ask for your advice, don’t give it to me. All you’ll accomplish is me having to go home and eat in rage to try and quiet the voices that tell me to bludgeon you with my shoe. Besides, most people don’t realize that despite all the struggles and downfalls of being fat, there’s also benefits. And I’ll end todays entry with my personal top 5…

5. You always get shotgun. (Nobody wants to spend the next 30 minutes with your thigh violently pushing against them.)

4. Nobody asks you to do shit! (Noone ever asks me to help them move. I can’t lift a couch and my witty comments don’t make it any easier for you to lift it by yourself)

3. Every chair I sit in is a comfortable chair.

2. No one wants you to do mundane physical activities with them. (People don’t like to go hiking with someone who would probably eat them at the most minor pitfall. “But we’ve only been lost for 20 minut-aaaaaah!!!…”)

1. I don’t get hit on in bars. Now when I was single, this did use to bother me quite a bit. Once I realized how much most girls hate it, and how weirdly aggressive some men can be - I saw that I was better off. Not only do I not have to be dance-raped when I’m just trying to groove it up, I also have free time to get dangerously intoxicated! And it’s not so bad, I mean if you’re a fat girl and are really set on hooking up at a bar, just wear a low cut top and linger around the doorway after last call.

Chubby girls don't have backrolls.

Wed, 02 May 2012 01:35:30 -0400

So, this is my weight loss blog. I’d like to start very frankly by saying that if you are looking for a site with inspirational quotes, soft focus photographs of carefree women dancing on the beach or a tasty recipe for an organic three bean salad, you are far from home. As someone who has just begun a weight loss attempt, I have spent a lot of time over the past month on weight loss blogs and sites looking for ideas and motivation. Basically, all I learned is that water is a pretty good idea just in general. Everything else was pretty much bullshit. Don’t get me wrong, it’s all good-intentioned bullshit, but just not very helpful. Not only is there 10 different opinions on everything (I’m supposed to either not eat after 6, 7, or 8 pm…I’m not sure which one is right, so to be safe I’ve stopped swallowing anything, including my own saliva, after the midday news) but there also seemed to be only two types of weight loss sites for two specific types of people. 1. People who know they should lose weight but aren’t quite married to the idea yet. (Start small on your weight loss journey. For example, if you eat Taco Bell for lunch try not to have it for dinner. ) 2. People who are way too intense too fast. (You except me to take my hand out of my Dorito bag and use it to immediately pick some obscure produce from my organic home garden and make you a nice stir-fry . Last week my definition of cooking including piercing holes into something and stirring it halfway through. My idea of spicing was “Is that enough ketchup to make my eggs not taste like eggs?” )

What I’m trying to say is, I’m writing this blog about what it’s actually like to lose a large amount of weight. This isn’t for calorie counting or recipe swapping, this is just some fat bitch trying to make herself laugh and not lose her mind. (I should mention that I am currently living the dream as a manager at McDonalds. No temptations there! ) I’d also like to emphasize that I am a fat girl. Not chubby. Not plus size. Fat fat fat. I mean I’m not…y’know, like tearing down the wall with Richard Simmons crying on top of me fat. But I have back rolls. You can’t have back rolls and call yourself chubby. You’re fat girl. It’s not a big deal, just don’t wear a tube top and try to be funny, that really helps.

I also want it to be clear that I don’t hate my body. I do think the world can be very cruel to us fatties. I do think women with a little meat on them are sexy, but I also want to be able to sit up without having to rock back and forth like I’m fucking Rainman. I want to be healthy. And I know it’s such a “fat girl” thing to say but, my main concern is not weight loss, it’s health – weight loss is just an added bonus. Because I am a realistic person and I know that just because I ate a salad today that doesn’t mean that in 9 months I will be wearing bikinis and any trace of my hefty past will be gone. Have you ever seen someone who has lost more than 100 pounds? It looks like a deflated air mattress hung over a coatrack. It’s not a good look. I have no false hope of obtaining some perfect body, I’m never going to look good in a bikini. I do have other weight loss benefits to look forward to though, like not having to do the fatty walk of shame off of an amusement park ride, not having to wear tights under everything I wear (my thighs rub together so much I’m shocked I haven’t lit my pubic hair on fire), and not obsessively worrying about strangers judging my food choices (But if I order another sandwich that Wendy’s cashier will think I’m a bad person!).

Most things in life, especially the bad things, have a lot of humour in them, especially if you’re not concerned with being offensive. I find a lot of humour in being fat, and in trying to lose weight. It is hard, and it can be gross, and it’s funny to me. I take it seriously, I am trying very hard to turn my health around, but I can laugh about it. I wanted a honest guide to weight loss and instead I found 800 sites telling me to eat breakfast.(Breaking news!) This is my attempt to chronicle this journey (I’m sorry, it makes me cringe too but it’s an accurate term for this) in the most real way possible, so that in the end if I fail at least I can look back on this and say……”Why did I start a blog? Am I a fucking asshole?”